10 Tools You Can Start Using To Move On From Codependency

10 Tools You Can Start Using To Move On From Codependency, relates to the fact that ever since my last post talking about codependency and personal experience trying to change and heal from the fact that I have been a codependent persona most of my life.

I’ve found necessary to provide 10 tools that can be used by yourself to start move on from codependency traits and/or codependent relationships.

Maybe you aren’t a codependent persona, but perhaps you are someone who has been taken advantaged of in previous relationships.

You might find this post usefull, since it is information that can help you leave whatever does not serve your highest self  in a healthy way.

In codependency, toxic relationships drain our best energy and instead of working towards our highest potential; we work towards someone elses highest best interests.

But, like I also said in my previous post called Codependency & The Painful Rise of self-esteem, there is a way to  be happy and more fulfilled in this life; and you are deserver of it.

But what is Codependency?

Defined by an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. (Oxford Languages).

It is a position where the person is self-neglective, put other people’s needs first before their own.

What are common Sings of Codependency?

• Low self-esteem

When children, we don’t get to learn how to meet our needs; but instead, we are rewarded for taking care of other’s needs. We learned that others are the one that were important, who we were or our essence never truly mattered.

The lack of importance about us, is the major red flag that precisely shows our dysfunctional connection to the outside and the people in it.

• Low levels of narcissism

Ever since others are the one that are important. Looking at ourselves as our own “personal mirror” does not happen.

• Familiar dysfunction

For many of us, there were a situation that led to trauma inside the family dynamics.

How terrifying must have been for a child to not be able to have a healthy environment where their needs were met.

Most probably many of us encounter with a codependent mother or father, addiction, violence, or abuse in any form. There is a reason why we have managed to be codependent, and that is why is so important to find the very roots of it; to start the acknowledgment and the connection within.

• Depression, Anxiety and Stress

But because of the confusion caused by toxic environments when children and our most likely disconnection from within ourselves. Traits of depression, pain and void occurs as time passes.

We get exhausted and confused, by the lack of healthy emotional comfort from a healthy self-esteem.

• Low emotional expressivity

Not knowing ourselves and with the lack of growth within, it is not possible for us to understand and even know how to identify our emotions much less express them.

The Lack of knowledge and the almost compulsive, need to focus on other people’s needs makes impossible for us, to meet our own emotional background.

Other Common Sings:

• Having poor boundaries

It requires to have a strong sense of self esteem to know how to set boundaries and how to say No when something is not honoring you.

For codependent people this is quite  true since our main sense of validation comes from saying always YES to other people.

Boundaries basically go against our very own nature.

• Feeling compelled to take care of people

But because form childhood, what we worked for us was to take care of others and receive the much-needed appraisal, love and acceptance from important figures, we carry on in our life with the thought that love is something to be gain, to fight for by putting others first.

• Showing emotional reactivity

Related to self-neglect. Because we repeat the toxic cycle over and over again with people, we are sentenced to repeat the same disappointment we endured as children, therefor emotions and reactions happens due to our own self-neglect; ever desesperately trying to make amends with the past.

Even though I am a Psychologist and obviously I firmly believe in psychotherapy and the need to pursue therapy when we feel appropiate.

I find extremely important to communicate tools that will help you during your healing journey.

It is possible for us to self-heal; I firmly believe in this. And it is so important to do so for the rise of our own self-esteem, even if it gets tough at times.

The true reward is there and is priceless.

In fact, I try to share my experience to show you that it is possible. It won’t be easy but it is possible.

And you and I, are just alike.

I want to tell you, that you can, and you will. But as I also always say, it is not easy and there’s serious work to do.

Therefore, here are the 10 Tools You Can Start Doing To Move On From Codependency yourself, anytime now.

Simple tools that will help you start your journey to go within and leave your Codependency traits behind.

10 Tools You Can Start Using To Move On From Codependency

1. Eat Healthy:

Food is medicine, and the first and main fact we need to understand is that by the way we eat, we either start our self-care or self-punish.

Eating healthy is the way we primarly take care of ourselves.

Nothing to do with losing weight, although that can be a big plus _not gonna lie about that_

In my case, Keto Lifestyle worked amazing.

Loved the idea of radically changing the way I eat by making it _believe it or not_ simpler.

With keto lifestyle, and the consumption of whole foods, getting away from all those “delicious, processed stuff” food industry sell to us. truly made  feel well fed for the very first time in my life and also, self-esteem got improved by showing myself the way with my very own efforts out of self-learning.

It was the matter of, asking myself. What is needed in order to be healthy.

By nurturing ourselves with whole foods and the right fats and just in general, putting yourself in charge of your own eating habits makes a great boost for self-esteem.

 

 

2. Read:

But because I previously said, we did not have the knowledge from children to connect with ourselves and our emotions and needs; we need to start reading on order to connect with ourselves.

There is not a right line of books, just ask yourself. What do I want to read about?

You will be surprised what your inner self tells you. There’s not wrong or right books.

But if you want to start with some excellent one about codependency,

I would suggest.

Codependency No more by Melody Bettie.

This book will tell you everything on the matter, by a recovered Codependent.

Remember. Knowledge is Power.

3. Write a Journal:

   But because we as codependent need to work on the way we connect with ourselves, the best way is to register our emotions and thoughts during our journey is by writing it out.

Its our story told by us. Anyone else.

I know, not everyone have this passion about writing. But that is the beauty about it, to actually witness your own journey and see how you evolve is another great way to boost your self-esteem.

Will make you realize how strong you are and how amazing and unique you are for taking life by your hands and start from pain, to rise into a better happy life.

4. Meditate

Meditation; I must say has been the first way to connect, with myself.

Not only will lessen your anxiety and depression symptoms, but it will help to you to ease the change resistance, to live in the here and now _present moment_ and just in general, be a tool for relaxation and connection with your own emotions.

 

5. Take 15 minutes of Sun everyday

But because this healing journey gets though with all the major changes; I find extremely important these simple everyday tools.

Sun baths daily, elevates serotonine levels,  chemical nerve cells, that make us better and more joyful. More awake.

Remember, this is quite a huge change, we need to do anything we can in order to be less emotional reactive and more pleased with the fact that we are trying to connect with ourselves.

To manage this mood swings and actually help our nervous system is quite needed during this change, and we are trying to do so in the best healthy ways possible.

6. Start analyzing your near close relationships

When we are active codependents, we tend to look for people that usually takes advantage of us _like I previously said, we’ve learned those are the people we need to fix_, so it is very common that we are surrounded by them.

Take your time to analyze your close relationships, look closely how much you give in order to maintain the communication.

Be aware of how reciprocal the relationship truly is.

Are you the one always writing first? Asking first? Replying to a text first?.

And when you are in the need of something. Do you truly count with this person, at all? Or you compensate thinking, you do not truly need the other?

This a hard step, but most necessary.

And if you find out that one of these relationships are not honoring yourself, it is time to think about letting go, because even though it might hurt at the beginning, it will make space for new people that truly appreciates and value you; arrive to your life.

        7.- Be aware of what makes you feel nervous and what excites your spirit:

There are many situations when we said Yes and wanted to say No.

Pay attention to those things that makes you feel anxious. Even the small ones. If it does not serve you anymore, move on to something else.

Also, pay attention to those situations where you feel cheerful,  lighten up, even if they are only few at the beginning. That is the right way.

 

         8.- Exercise

Another way we can serve our true needs; just like healthy eating.

It does not mean that you have to go to the gym daily, becoming a bodybuilder, you don’t even have to leave your house. _I am sure as hell that I didn’t at the time_

You can put a yoga video on YouTube _there are plenty options_ and move your body and let all your emotions surrender themselves into a better connection between your mind and body.

         9.-Say No; more Often. Even if it gets painful and even in small things

Now I remember, this one was an very hard one for me, but surely the one that made most changes.

Every time you say No and honor yourself, your self-esteem rises.

Means you know your limits and that your limits matter, because you matter!!!

As codependents this is the main most important thing to do, one of the main ways to reassure ourselves as important and deservers of the life we want is by learning how to say No to thers and make others respect our limits.

          10.- Most Importantly, be aware when the emotional waves hit and remember to be kind and tender with yourself

But Because as codependents we are not used to confront our own bottled up emotions, now that we are in a position of  change patterns relating to the others; it is important to experience every single emotion that comes up.

It is important to release anger, anxiety and those emotions relating discomfort in order to start healing.

At first it will feel like its impossible and unbereable; this is quite normal. But the discomfort per se, will not last for more than 20 minutes.

Remember to be kind with you at those times; and remember that; releasing, surrendering emotions and connecting with yourself it is not easy, so when those emotional waves from the past _and present_ comes. Experience them, surrender to them and move on from it.

Remember to tell yourself:

“This Too Shall Pass”.

Because it will, everything does eventually.

Final Conclusions

So, there you go. 10 useful tools you can daily use to improve your lifestyle and preserve your mental health whether you are a codependent persona or have difficult relationships that does not serve your highest self.

There is no quick fix here, this takes a lot of effort at least at the beginning.

But in my personal experience, to be honest, I would not know what would have happened to me if I did not go after doing the work by myself and show myself the amazing capacities as human being I own.

It is not like right now I have everything solve, but at least I do not need to gain anyone’s approval and I’m not in need to fix everyone’s and control everyone’s in order to feel myself as valuable.

I’ve noticed that people usually expect big jumps, tasks and expensive answers and solutions.

I recommend being suspicious of them. Great answers are usually not that expensive, they are just hard to take.

And why is that?

Because usually requires time to invest and a daily work.

These previous tools are simple. Can be done by home and not be expensive at all.

We are all in the capacity, especially codependent people, to use them and work with them in order to achieve highest levels of grow and happiness in this lifetime.

I hope you find them useful, with patience; you will start noticing changes within.

Let me know your thoughts on the comment down below!

Sending you love Always,

Eugenia Rivero