Addiction

When I think “Addiction”; many words come to my mind that I associate addiction with. The first one would be familiar and the second would be common; and sometimes when I think about that I feel sad. Like it is unfair and hollow.

Hello Again Dear Reader; I hope life finds you well, that you are in good terms with existence and taking care of your mental health as its supposed to be.

Todays Blog simply called; Addiction is a strong combination with information relating addiction and personal experiences that I find highly important to share.

Addiction shapes the way we experience life so dramatically. And as today; so many people are experiencing situations that relates to addiction along with the pain and consequences.

There are some outcomes of stories were people recover from traumatic experiences out of addiction and a brand-new stronger version of themselves occur.

Unfortunately, I do not believe that is the case for majority.

Statistics about Addiction

According to the latest World Drug Report, released today by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) informed that; globally, 35 million people are estimated to suffer from drug use disorders.

The higher estimates for 2017 are the result of improved knowledge of the extent of drug use from new surveys conducted in India and Nigeria, both among the ten most populous countries in the world.

It also estimates the number of opioid users at 53 million, up 56 per cent from previous estimates, and that opioids are responsible for two thirds of the 585,000 people who died as a result of drug use in 2017. Globally, 11 million people injected drugs in 2017, of whom 1.4 million live with HIV and 5.6 million with hepatitis C.

“The findings of this year’s World Drug Report fill in and further complicate the global picture of drug challenges, underscoring the need for broader international cooperation to advance balanced and integrated health and criminal justice responses to supply and demand,” said Yury Fedotov, UNODC Executive Director.

To be exposed to addiction; especially at an early age whether it was because we see a father drinking; or a mother who’s emotionally addicted to a toxic relationship and becomes emotionally unavailable to attend her kids and herself needs; or a brother who abuse substance to run away from his own difficult emotions and even your own self who by being attached to something that does not honor you; harms you.

Whatever the cause; it is difficult to leave; and it is easier to just stay and submit to the cravings.

This statistic from 2019 show us how drug, addiction, and harming actions towards ourselves are increasing in society.

But, what is the base of addiction?

If it makes us feel good; if it calms us, produce some sort of relieve, even if it’s for a moment; then it makes it all wort it and simply very hard to leave.

You know Dear Reader; addiction is all about how well we master the tools that help us run away from ourselves, from our pain. How well we lie to ourselves and how we start by taking shortcuts to just deal as fast as we can with the situation, with our emotions, with our heartache.

“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.” Bessel.

Addiction is a way to lie to ourselves. Addiction is a symptom and Addictive behaviors help us avoid the pain; the perfect shorcut if you ask me.

But how costly It is to maintain a lie Dear Reader; it is so costly to avoid the truth.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about this matter in a painful way since situations relating addiction and toxic family bonds were near myself during the curse of my childhood years.

Emotions like Anger tends to resurface, and overall anxiety in the form of overthinking tends to occur in a weak attempt to numb past traumas and deficiencies from the past.

I tend to mourn my childhood years when I had to face scary moments by myself knowing I could not turn to my family for support because “someone else inside the house had it worse so we all needed to be attentive and try to safe this particular relative”.

So many emotions at the time; so many emotions now. By trying to not be afraid of my emotions; (because that is genuinely something I think I will work on everyday for the rest of my life); I remember how well addiction was attached to my family since my grandparent’s era even.

One of the characteristics I have found in early days is men in my family drink. Women did not drink or not so much at least… although I can recall an episode or two of a few female relatives that let them self-lose a bit by the effects of wine. But nothing major really.

What most certainly women did; was to put up with alcoholic behaviors from their partners. I can recall tension and hyperalert attitudes towards men.

To me, alcoholism is the mother of all addictions and substance abuse. Somewhere at some point, when you see a particular clinical case; alcoholism is involved.

So very often I saw men in my family, drinking and changing attitudes. Some of them turned aggressive towards their immediate family. Some of them seemed in a lighter mood and some other surrender to oblivion while drinking until the last drop of the whiskey bottle.

I do not have many memories as a child; I have some happy ones that I believe I cherish. But I also remember looking at these men attitudes and how they changed when they started drinking.

From those old uncles who would pass out; I could see their broken dreams and the solitude inside all over. To drink was better to them I believe. Made things easier.

I always assumed it would make them forget; and that the overall warm of close relatives celebrating and drinking was the closet thing they got for meaningful companionship.

All sorts of poets; writers and wonderful creative people came from my family Dear reader; this you should also know; since I believe it’s a direct prove that we are emotional beings, very connected to what we feel (even if we wouldn’t want to) and to how real they perceived the world around them.

Men and women; all very sensitive and creative.

I also learned very quickly how wrong was to be sensitive; it meant a sign of weakness inside my family; and to numb yourself out of those silly feelings; you got to drink as a quick solution,

They felt too much; and felt the need to numb those inner emotions and voices inside.

But is that possible Dear Reader? To feel too much?…

Back in the early days I would slowly learn that emotions were a sign of weakness. To Cry was a sign of debility…. Vulnerability was not allowed and catholic fanatism was used as an excuse for answers about life that should have come from our suposely well-nourished inner worlds.

When you learn from little that to be sensitive; to accept and managed difficult emotions is wrong or to not feel safe is a constant; you make room for addiction to slowly start to crawl in the insides.

Life as it is; is an unpredictable motion with highs and lows. Emotions and trauma included, wether we like it or not.

We cannot expect to shut the emotions we do not like or to avoid difficult experiences in life just because we do not want to deal with them. and thats when addiction help us to believe otherwise.

Life itself includes those areas; it is a balance between sadness and happiness. Between beautiful moments and horrible ones.

It is by the avoidance of this reality that addiction gets space to grow inside our lives. It grows out of our need to run away from ourselves.

One is never too little to realize that addicted people are not safe. One never too little to realize that there is something wrong; and as we grow up one can either turn into the same behaviors to reapeat the cycle or be radical about going against them.

Addiction is a very familiar and common word in my life.

Since for as long as I can remember; alcoholism, substance abuse, toxic relationships unfolding, women repeating generational trauma with their partners, ever looping. Codependency. Psychosis; lies. Violence. Mental Illness. And of course, narcissistic abuse was involved. It was all a big mix.

Somehow some of this situation managed to cover up low self-esteem and also managed to go against their nature uncovering their difficult emotions.

I learned this well through the course of the years.

I also fell addicted to smoke; to drink to numb myself down and most of all; to get very much attached in abusive relationships in order to feel valued and alive on one side and numb and blocked on the other.

I still remember those days back in 2020 were I Just sat with myself; read about things relating to this matter and thought about my early childhood years with the intention to gather answers about my life and answers about how I acted the way I acted and felt so sad and empty inside filled with addictive behaviors.

Especially when it comes to people. I always used to allow all the wrong people. No boundaries whatsoever.

Healing is an interesting journey. Isn’t it?… it makes us move forward by crawling back to the past in retrospect.

For most of my life dear reader, I felt like I was alone in this continuous loop of strange emotions; lack of answers and need to escape from myself.

But When I read the statistics. I can tell I was extremely wrong about feeling completely alone; since a big portion of the world apparently is running away from the same reason I was running in the past.

The world seems to be in pain, with lonely sentiments and in major need to heal; the world is looking outside for the answers that should be coming from the inside and in the meanwhile, substance abuse, addictive and toxic behaviors are increasing by the day. Poisoning entire families.

Sometimes when I write about these matters mixed with personal experiences, I get questioned about my position as a psychologist and get questioned about the perspective I provide; since and I quote: “we should earn the respect of the people by setting an example. We should become the guide in their processes and most of all not oversharing personal experiences”.

But why would that be Dear Reader? Psychologists are very much human beings; we feel; we think, we are, and we suffer as much as other people non psychologists do.

I am a firm believer that is not about us needing leaders or people telling us what to do; but perhaps when we feel like want to make a change; have people that will come on board with that change. That will serve as a guide and as a nourishing area to rest or perhaps to continue with that guidance.

Perhaps sometimes to just be there.

That’s what I believe psychologists should be there for. To be with the people in their process to become the best version of themselves.

To be there to accompanying the process of change.

I know in my nourishment of the self-journey; I did at times felt very lonely.

Let’s talk about what Is Addiction.

A person with an addiction uses a substance, or engages in a behavior, for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeat the activity, despite detrimental consequences. Addiction may involve the use of substances such as alcohol, inhalants, opioids, cocaine, and nicotine, or behaviors such as gambling.

There is evidence that addictive behaviors share key neurobiological features: They intensely involve brain pathways of reward and reinforcement, which involve the neurotransmitter dopamine. And, in keeping with other highly motivated states, they lead to the pruning of synapses in the prefrontal cortex, home of the brain’s highest functions, so that attention is highly focused on cues related to the target substance or activity.

It is important to know that such brain changes are reversible after the substance use or behavior is discontinued. (Psychology Today)

Addiction makes deep changes in the brain; in how our brain functions and the perspective we have about the world.

You may wonder dear Reader; about if there’s a way to know if someone have more prevalence into finding themselves into addictions.

Well, that is not the case; you see addiction is a multi-faceted condition, arising from the confluence of many elements—including, of course, exposure to an addictive agent. It is more accurate to think of risk factors for the development of substance abuse disorders/ behaviors, rather than direct causes

Psychology today in its article named Addiction. Explain about 3 major factors (Biological, Psychological, Environmental) that make an influence into engaging in disorders of addiction.

1.- Biological factors:

Genes. Estimates vary but scientists find that genetic factors contribute about half the risk for developing a substance use disorder. For example, one factor linked to vulnerability towards addiction is variation in a gene that determines the makeup of brain receptors for the neurotransmitter dopamine. Another factor appears to be the nature of the body’s hormonal response to stress.

Also, there are variations in liver enzymes that metabolize substances are known to influence one’s risk of alcohol use disorder.

2.- Psychological:

Difficulty in the self-regulation of difficult emotions increase the chances of addiction. Conditions such as depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are link to vulnerability into the use of substances or to engage into damaging behaviors for relieve.

Trauma and abuse. Early exposure to significant adverse experience can contribute to the development of substance use disorders by overwhelming an individual’s coping ability, perhaps by sensitizing brain pathways of alarm/distress, or by adding to the burden of stress.

Personality factors. Both impulsivity and sensation seeking have been linked to substance use and gambling disorders. Impulsivity may be particularly related to the risk of relapse.

3.- Environmental:

First and foremost; Family Bonds and Relationships. While strong family relationships have been shown to protect against substance use disorders, several aspects of family functioning or circumstances can contribute to addiction risk.

early exposure to a relative who maintains addictive behaviors increases the person’s level of vulnerability to addiction.

Poor interpersonal relationships within the family nucleus; promotes low self-esteem; poor emotional regulation and feelings of being overwhelmed; reasons become highly vulnerable to enter addiction disorders.

Accessibility factors. Easy availability of alcohol or other substances in one’s home, at school or work, or in one’s community increases the risk of repeated use

Peer group. As profoundly social animals, people are strongly influenced by their peers and, in generally seeking to be liked by them, may adopt many of their behaviors, particularly during adolescence. Positive social relationships, on the other hand, are known to strongly protect against substance use.

I believe dear reader; no one true desire is to become an addict, and I think we can all agree on this. Either addicted to alcohol, drugs in general or gambling. Or to a relationship.

In fact, almost every single person when they start using or getting addicted think they would never end up like those deteriorated people shown out there.

But the cycle of addiction is precise; it involves chemicals in our brains. It is by its repetition where we get caught; subsequently becoming a slave of it.

I believe activities such as drinking are socially accepted worldwide; even those places that “you are not supposed to”; in my country it is used by means of socializing and having a good time.

Throughout the course of the years; while growing up and while facing different consequences out of having a close relative with mental health issues and addiction; often times angerly used to ask to myself how come this person wouldn’t realize the damage and hurt was causing into our family.

I could see the face of my mother and her heart break every single time there was a relapse or that the cycle of addiction began; I also remember how my father would give absolutely everything he had in order to “safe” this person.

They ended up so exhausted; we all did. Nothing was ever enough. like a deep black whole with no way out.

At first, around 13 years old; I used to be aggressive; offensive and overall, quite reactive over the situation. I felt it personal (and it was); later on, I just wanted to move on out the situation and ignore what was happening.

Nowadays I understand the enormous changes Addiction brings to the brain; and how we all get affected by it. It does not matter whether people feel like becoming and addict or not, or if they have all the intentions of doing better or healing.

Addiction becomes at some point; organic. Cravings are true and painful, and surrender seems like the inevitable path to take.

How does affect our brain?

The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) defines the disorder as a chronic disease that affects the circuits in the brain that involve motivation, memory, and reward.

These behaviors are characterized by the following:

• Impaired ability to control behavior
• Craving for the substance, object, or activity
• Inability to stop the behavior in a consistent manner
• Lack of recognition of behavioral and interpersonal problems

In life, no one is extent to manage difficult emotions; but not all of us turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with them. At the heart of the problem is not the substance, object, behavior itself but the emotional discomfort that drives the unhealthy behavior in the first place.

But what is the root of Addiction itself; is it the substance? Or is it something else?

When this relative in particular used to have its usual relapse cycles through out the years; it became more and more clear the need for the substance; but also, throughout the years I could notice something else.

The tears; the screaming about the past; the delirium about something that hurt, and the emotions there were as alive as the first day.

Unlike other members who would just freeze and shut. I would listen to the words and cries, at 3.00 am. 4.00 am.

Some things didn’t make sense; some of them made sense completely. The whole psychosis episode was a on going expression of repressed emotions; and for as frightening as it can get… when you look deep inside; there you will have the answer to this question.

By the time I had 18 years old; I managed to understand that it is not the drug itself, but emotional issues buried deep within the subconscious mind that would be at the root of addiction.

It feels safer to turn to a substance than to face the overwhelming feelings that lie beneath the surface; that is of course until another damage out of drugs appears; the organic one.

What is the real cost of addiction? What is the real gain?

To me addictive behaviors just like every single shortcut in life; you truly end up paying with time.

Time that can be experienced in different ways, lighter ways. Healthier ways; but addicted people end up experiencing through the lens of slavery and self-destruction. Going over and over to the past were they got hurt.

It does not matter what type of drug this one is; in the end, the price itself is the same.

Time.

The addicted person eternally looping around the same pain; without truly noticing pays the price of not moving on from.

What an unfair position this is right? It is like subconsciously choosing hell. Over and Over again.

And what Psychological Effect?

Researchers who study the psychology of substance use disorder describe a three-step process.

• The process begins with strong feelings of helplessness.
• The feelings of helplessness lead to rage.
• The rage is displaced by an addictive behavior that takes its place.

The brain processes all pleasurable behaviors by releasing a neurotransmitter called dopamine. The process is meant to promote life-sustaining activities like eating or drinking water.

Drugs produce the same response, but they cause the brain to overflow with up to 10 times more dopamine at a much faster rate than normal.

This creates a cycle of highs and lows that contributes to cravings. (The exact same process occurs when consuming sugar. You can read about it in my post Sugar Madness and that Sugar Film Post!).

Addiction is treatable just as diabetes is and hypertension or other chronic diseases. But just as these diseases; addiction needs a long-time maintenance.

Long-term counseling is often highly recommended to reach hidden thoughts and prevent them from being acted out.

To finalize this post Dear Reader, I would like to conclude about my own addictions; because after talking about some of my previous experiences and exposures to addiction in my family; I find hypocritical not talking about my own struggles with situations that would be hard for me to leave in the past.

Although I would be “proud” about myself being the savior (codependent) in many of my toxic family situations; I found myself escaping with one of the most toxic ways for any human being.

Love. As in Attachment in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

It took me years of my life to finally understand this pattern. Years of my life; tears, pain, sleepless night, and chaos to understand how come I was just another addicted with a different drug in question.

And all I can say Dear Reader is I know how hard it can get to recover from an addiction. It takes all the strength in the world.

I fully understand how difficult it is to get out of an addictive situation because what is behind this behavior hurts much more.

Perhaps we have made it conscious; maybe it’s hidden there and we repeat patterns without really knowing why.

I also understand that feeling of weakness and worthlessness at being defeated in the face of imminent relapse.

I also understand families that handle this type of dynamic with an addicted family member.

Is not easy; it is painful, it breeds resentment, like an implosion. And for what is worse; it leaves generational wounds and traumas to work through for the next generations to come.

I am very sorry to see this reality that increases every year in our society.

But not everything is bad news.

There are options; there are exits. Recovery is possible and very much real.

There is a possible solution to this silent epidemic that affects so many individuals and families.

And it all starts with the desire to not to want to run away anymore. To face our own demons and hidden painful experiences.

Life is completely unpredictable, it’s true and this could be positive or negative depending on how we decide to see it. Because whether we want to see it or not; it is our choice the views we have on the world on over the actions in our own life.

On one hand, it gives us a degree of insecurity; because if we have suffered, it can lead us to think that more suffering might come, and this is also true.

But on the other hand; the very fact of being unpredictable opens the door to new learnings, to a new level of freedom worked out all by ourselves.

Who might we become after we start healing? No ones got the answer to that. Not even ourselves… and there is beauty in that.

I’m not saying that it is easy; but I can conclusively say that it is worth it. it is the right path to take. The Hard One!

We cannot continue exposing our time of life in vicious cycles that only lead us to more pain, even when it is what we unfortunately learned in our childhoods.

We deserve a satisfying reality; we deserve the whole world if we want to.

I am not referring to the material world; but to that inner world enriched and nourished that takes us to new levels of consciousness and inner peace.

Believe it; work for it. For That place truly exists. And it is waiting for you to reach.

When I think “Addiction”; many words come to my mind that I associate addiction with; also many childhood experiences; the first word would be familiar and the second would be common; and sometimes when I think about that; I feel sad. Like it is unfair and hollow.

But also some other times; especially in the present days, after I meditate in early mornings before dawn and see how far I feel I’ve come in my own nourishment of the self journey… then I say to myself; there’s absolutely nothing I would change.

I am proud of who I was; in the issues I was involved in before. Without them, how would I have grown into the inner personal I feel I am today.

My birthday was this month, June 2022 has been an outstanding mix of emotions and situations, some of them joyful some of them truly sad.

And In the middle? new beginnings, courage of starting new things and painful goodbyes for the departures of loved ones.

Also, Another “addiction relapse” from my relative revolved around this month as well. And as every single time it happens, it was still difficult to manage and sad to process being so far away.

It served as an inspiration for writing this blog.

I like writing about my own personal experiences because at the end I believe there is tremendous power of connection with others, with the world. With life itself.

Also, it reminds me of how the person I am today; thanks for past experiences and learning through work, knows about boundaries. About becoming truly nourished and about wanting to share this wonderful world that comes along after you start your nourishment of the self-journey.

We are resilient; powerful, sensitive and with the capacity of being creative. Is not in our nature to become rigid beings, running away from ourselves in a weak attempt to control our painful experiences and addictions.

As beings we deserve to grow and to feel freely. That is indeed what makes us strong and unique. That is indeed The Major aspect that will guide us through the Art of Living Consciously.

Till Next Time Dear Reader.

Eugenia R.